smart ForTwo road tests and consumer car reviews

Smart ForTwo 2007

Think of a word beggining with C? Cup, Cap, Clip, Crumbs, C**p...All relevant and all beggining with the letter c. I guess to start a review like this seems a little odd, but believe me when my better half decided that she wanted to change her Ford Ka for something newer, we would have been better off swapping it for a tandem than the calamity on wheels she fell in love with last month! My only real desire in life now, is to make you happy, I said. How sweet you are she replied. What a long, long time ago that seems to be now. Saturday morning, seven thirty’ish, (the t**t never gets up this early), and she is all over me like a measle rash! We rise, we shower, we dress, we eat, we argue, and then we head off for the local Smart dealership. Still trying to persuade her not to be silly, and choose something a little bit more interesting, we ended up on this extremely colourful forecourt, where every sodding vehicle was badged "SMART". Well my immediate impressions were, smart suit, smart looking, smart a**e, but not so the little bundle of lego vehicles that were strewn before us like the breakfast pots we had left at the kitchen sink!. Hesitantly I followed, (still sobbing inside), and she made a bee line for the youngest salesman she could radar in on. Straight up to him and demanded to test drive the little yellow and black smart fortwo. The response from the chap made me want to throw up, certainly madam, can I offer you a personal test drive, or would you want to take the vehicle for a drive with your partner? (Husband d**k ’ed, I’m her husband). Best keep the thoughts to myself at this point, so I looked straight at him and thoroughly encouraged a personal test drive, with me! Coffee, biscuit, paper, chat, laughing, giggling even, and car ready for the big test drive. She waltzed herself across the showroom, key in hand, smile on face, me in tow. After the initial opening of the passenger door, i took a step back and wondered how the f**! any man over 15 stone would firstly manage to ergonomically squeeze himself in to the seat, and secondly once you are inside, how the hell do you reach the fri**ing seat belt?! The salesman jumped straight in at this point and reached over to hand me the strap, (good move, but my premonitions of the vehicle had already started to shine through). The car itself was a good colour mish mash if you are in to modern art, or graffitti painting. The room inside would better suit a couple of Snow Whites mates, (can’t believe that the plastic content inside is like being strapped into a bondage suit with Les Dawson). But she was in her element, every turn and twist of the wheel put fresh smile on her bonny little face, (we all know what that means and especially when they also start to sing...in key)! The test drive was real good for her and she soon became familiar with the driving mechanisms and switches, laid out before her. All eight of them. It drove me insane, I would never want to give one away as a free gift with a Mcdonalds, never mind pay over seven grand for this second hand sledge. The car now sits on our drive, she is still totally in love with it, me...I guess I really dont come into her Smart equations so what can I say? A truly targetted audience is buying these crumby little bogey’s and a truly big sceptical husbandry audience is, like me, wishing they had never launched the bloody things onto the automotive markets here in the U.K. Drive one at your peril!